All 'Bout Croatia

The ABCs of a Spring Break in Croatia

The stories of a spring break well-spent in the northern-half of the former Yugoslavia will be told alphabetically, chunked into a little tale or nugget of wisdom beginning with the letters A through Z. The grand finale, I promise you, will be good.

Adriatic Sea, The

I was a bit wimpy back in December. Kat and Harpswell both braved an icy Aegean Sea to be able to say, forevermore, that they swam on Christmas Eve Day. This time around, I wasn’t about to let anything keep me from the water! The Dalmatian Coast of the Adriatic is renowned as one of the most magnificent seashores of the world, ripe with islands, coves, and some of the bluest of blue waters. On our very last day in Croatia, driving back from Dubrovnik to Zagreb, Janos pulled the car over at a bend in the road that suited his taste. Tiptoeing through overgrown brush and some nagging doubts, we managed to find ourselves a deserted pebble beach and called it our own. The water was cold, the swimming was admittedly short. But the sun felt good. And yes, I was naked. I figure that’s the way you do it in Europe.

Bosnia

Croatia came out of the disintegration of Yugoslavia a winner, to say the least, holding dominion over a huge tract of amazing coast. The country stretches far down the Adriatic, oftentimes only a couple dozen kilometers wide, before the start of the Bosnia and Herzegovina border. But thanks to a little quirk of geopolitics, Croatia doesn’t have the entirety of the coast. Bosnia was given 20 km of seashore, just enough for one town -- and one navy base -- splitting Croatia into two parts. To drive between the two unequal halves of Croatia, you must drive through Bosnia.

Car Talk

I’d never driven in Europe before, and I was excited to give it a whirl. Roundabouts, autobahns, liberal passing policies -- I reckoned these parts are a driver’s paradise! We rented a car in Budapest without too much trouble. Unfortunately, the original quote, advise from Harpswell, blossomed from 25 USD a day to 70 Euros a day by the time we finally had a car. We picked up our big, long black beauty in Budapest, and Janos navigated through the city like a native. Because the ladies considered themselves inadequately trained in the art of stick-shift driving, all 2000kms behind the wheel were up to us boys. Kat had made a point to ask if the car had a CD player, but unfortunately they gave us the wrong answer. None of us brought CDs, even though it turned out we had a beautiful little CD player, so we were stuck with Balkan radio waves for all our musical needs. (Turns out that left us a little unsatisfied, it wasn’t quite "finom (delicious) for the ears.")

As for the actual driving? Stressful as shit!! I haven’t driven for 8 months, and it was a rough return. It’s hard to know the rules and expectations in a foreign country, where you know nothing other than numbers. And European drivers are jackasses. Tailgating and passing on blind turns are some of their favored hobbies. There’s a lot to look at, pay attention to, and learn, I wasn’t comfortable going as fast as the traffic demanded. Parking was always a headache and tolls were plentiful. The exception to stress was the Croatian autobahn system. Brand new, uncrowded, efficient, just a delight. But it must be said that traveling by car was really fast and very comfortable, and it let us be far more mobile than if we had gone by plane, train or bus. Plus, we didn’t have to plan beforehand, instead we could just get in the car and drive. After six days, though, it was a tremendous relief to hand her back to the rental company, without even the slightest scratch.

Default

Janos and Liz are dating, or something along those lines of hand-holding, so Kat and I found ourselves as a "default" pairing. We had a lot of fun on our day long walks together, exploring the nooks and crannies of Croatia. We usually didn’t run out of things to talk about, even if we tend to recycle the same topic over and over. And we always know when we’ve had enough of each other. Back in Greece, we perfected our traveling routine. I talked to everyone, find out if any of the guys have accents, and if they do, Kat becomes romantically attached to them. It’s a pretty slick operation we’ve got going, well-practiced. For those services, she trades advice that I usually fail to put to good use. Now that we’ve tackled the upper and lower Balkans together, it’s safe to say that Kat and I are legitimate traveling professionals. She’ll be staying in Budapest to teach again next year, I’ll have to come visit.

Emir

When I was in sixth-grade, our family hosted a high school boy from Yugoslavia. He lived with us because he didn’t get along well with his other host families, so my dad brought him home from school like a stray puppy. Like the rest of sixth-grade, it’s pretty uneventful in my recollection, although I remember being resentful that he made my room smell for a long time, a souvenir that lingered even after he went back home. We did not run into Emir during our travels in Croatia.

Finances

Croatia, it turns out, is more expensive than Greece. We spent way more money in six days than we had in eight days in Greece, we weren’t expecting to spend that much. We spent 88 USD per person for six nights of sleeping, not bad at all. But then we spent 217 USD per person for the car: rental fee, gas, parking and tolls. Pivo (beer) and food costs went untabulated. It’s probably better that way. When we arrived in Budapest, we all looked at our wallets and bank accounts and grimaced, hoping that the May pay day might be kind enough to hurry.

Getting Sidetracked with Cultural Questions

It took a while to find, but the Dubrovnik hostel treated us well. After the long drive into town, the nice terrace with plastic furniture was calling my name. Four new friends to meet and a beer were just the relaxation I needed on Easter Saturday. By sunset, more than a dozen hostellers had joined our table. Aussies, Germans, Italians, French, Norwegians and other Americans. The conversation was wonderful, even if it was dominated by the native English speakers.

I took to talking with Emma, a nice girl from Australia. We traded the stories of our adventures, she’s exploring southern Europe after completing a chef training back home. And then, a horrific thing happened: I got sidetracked with cultural questions. I was more interested in learning more about the foreign language education policies of an isolated island continent than, say, if she was single.
When I spun 180 degrees to introduce myself to the Norwegian girls, the same damn problem. Distracted by cultural inquiry. Neither was blonde, but that’s not an excuse. I forgot flirting in the name of asking about Norway and questioning why they had seamless American accents. So no good stories, but I can tell you that Norway has 4 million people and Australia has 20 million…

Height

Walking the streets of Croatia, you’re struck with a sense of panic. Shadows are cast down upon you. You must look up to make eye contact. The legs under skirts are loooooong. Croatia is a land of giants.
Men. Women. Children. They’re all way tall, to the point that we took to wondering if we had all shrunk on the car ride, rather than the people of one nation being this blatantly tall.

Intestines

Poor Liz had a horrible introduction to Croatia. It might have been the roast lamb (delicious-looking spits dot the rural roads every couple of miles) or perhaps water at the waterfalls, but something invaded her intestines our first night in Split. Janos won a "champion of the year" nomination for his early-morning toilet paper run when things in the bathroom got desperate. Unfortunately, someone else was up at 4:00am and stole our hard-earned parking spot. One positive was that the guest house had absolutely wonderful bathrooms, probably the best I’ve seen in this side of the world.

Jokes

Some of our favorite jokes from the trip? We giggled often at the notion of Ukrainian night trains, wondering how other teachers on a trip to Ukraine were fairing in a more "exotic" destination in a more "dubious" means of transportation. One time, Kat was silly enough to tell a boy "Can’t we just talk?" Then, she was silly enough to tell us about it. Safe to say, we failed to let the matter rest. We spent days in Dubrovnik laughing about a tyme machine (non-Wisconsinites read: ATM) that was, unsurprisingly enough, tall.

Kukoc, Toni

Toni Kukoc is Croatian. Toni Kukoc is tall. For years, Toni Kukoc won fame and glory as a member of the Chicago Bulls. Now he’s old and plays for the (a-hem) playoff-caliber Milwaukee Bucks. Every day, the Croatian newspaper has a picture of Toni Kukoc from the previous night, along with his stats.

Landmine Alert

In Wisconsin, there’s not much to worry about beyond stray deer hunters. In Colorado, it took a while to get used to the threat of bears. And in North Carolina, snakes were the problem du jour. Strangely, boars are the only thing you have to fear off the trail in Hungary. But in Croatia? Yup. Landmines.

Get this, mankind thought once upon a time that it would be a good idea to fight over things. To kill other humans in the name of gold, God, grace, gates, glory and greed. In that spirit of death and destruction, someone invented a bomb that you could plant, just like a seed. The fruit? Your brother, father, son, neighbor or maybe your enemy blows off his foot. Although, that’s only if he’s lucky. Not too long ago, the world awoke and said "Landmines are bad!" So they met in Ottawa, Canada, to declare that landmines would forever and evermore be forbidden. Simply too vile a tactic for civilization. Unfortunately, there are lots of pariah nations like China, Cuba, Iran, Iraq and Israel that failed to sign it. And there was one rather significant country that refused to sign the treaty, as well. They argued that they would get around to agreeing with the international community on the badness of landmines just as soon as their five-sided headquarters finds "alternatives to anti-personnel landmines." That totally makes sense, though, because the country in questioned is sandwiched between Canada and Mexico, two of the more war-mongering nations of the world. :-(

Magnificent, Simply Magnificent

Dubrovnik began as a bit of a fable. No one who we talked to had ever actually been to the walled "Pearl of the Adriatic," they’d all just "heard good things." It’s a long, if beautiful, four-hour drive from Split, but we’re proud to report back that it’s well worth the effort. The city, now home to 50,000 people, was once much larger, the capital of the Dubrovnik Republic. Five hundred years ago, it was one of the naval powers of the world, with embassies around the world. It even sent ships on voyages as far away as pre-colony America. But then an earthquake came in 1667, and as they like to say in Hungary, game over.

Beginning in the 8th century, the city built an amazing series of walls and fortresses that now ring the old town. Over 2km in circumference, the linked bastions helped fend off the Venetians and Turks, among others. A two-hour tour atop the city walls is one of the cultural highlights of the world. At every point, you overlook marble streets, 14th-century water systems that still work, kids playing football in small courtyards or 15th century monasteries. Or on the other side, the most wonderful blue you can imagine. And there are restaurants in the city to last a lifetime. Good place. Darn good place.

Not Half Bad, Either

Split, it’s safe to say, is one of the grandest retirement homes in the world! The port town of 200,000 began in AD 400 as a palace and fortress for Diocletian, the first Roman emperor to abdicate the throne. Set right along the Adriatic, at a spot where sulfur springs bubbling into the sea, Diocletian built himself a giant self-contained square compound. By 700, the palace had fallen into disrepair, and some Illiyan folk moved into it when the Slavs started attacking. They built their city inside the walls, intertwined with the old buildings. The result are the most amazing alleyways, all trodden with fine marble cobblestone. Wonderfully erratic architecture. The best irony, though? The mausoleum for Diocletian, one of the Roman Empire's harshest persecutors of Christians, was turned into one of the oldest Eastern European cathedrals. The bell-tower is a spectacular sight. Both on top and from a distance. The city is down-right hip. There must be a university somewhere the old town, the were a lot of beautiful young people, doing their best to prove Croatia chic and fully European. Lots of Americans out and about. We even managed to run into one of the other CETPs teacher by chance!

Omis

In Croatia, even the cities that aren't in the guidebooks prove to be amazing! One our way down to Plitvice Lakes National Park, we stumbled upon an amazing village -- Rastoke -- built on top of a cliff of waterfalls! Canals lined the houses and shops like sidewalks, and each building had it's own waterwheel, spun by the spring overflow. Amazing, but never mentioned in any guidebook, too far off the beaten path. And on the northward leg of our journey, we decided to stop in Omis for a much-needed dinner, only to find a delightful town. Just a block of the main street, tight alley ways and corridors were lined with cafes. Picturesque mountains rose up over the timeless buildings. A river of molten azure flowed through the heart of the town. Delightful

Powderkegs and Pivo

The Balkans have long been a powderkeg. Serbian nationalism sparked World War I. And Croatian nationalism triggered the break-up of the old Yugoslavia when "things started to happen here in Europe" in the late 80s and early 90s. We figured it would be a good to give our spring break trip an explosive keyword. Powderkeg it was. And pivo? Well, that means beer in Croatian!

Quite the Capital

Zagreb's a delightful city. It's compact and quaint. It makes you feel all 19th-century Austro-Hungarian on the inside. Which, if you haven't felt it, is a warm and fuzzy feeling, thanks to stately architecture and broad streets. Especially recommended are the city's bakeries and jaunts through the main square. A tribute to Zagreb's goodness? We drove into the city at 11:00pm with only the sketchiest of maps and managed to find our hostel without a single wrong turn or legitimate clue where to go. Liz has eagle eyes.

Republic of Ragusa

When Dubrovnik was doing it's thing back in the Medieval days, it went under the moniker "the Republic of Ragusa." Lots of other countries held dominion over it at various times, including the Venetians, French, Turks, Bosnians, Hungarians and Austrians, but it always had at least a bit of autonomy. Friendly Wikipedia claims that Ragusa was the first foreign government to recognize the fledgling United States of America in 1776. That's sweet stuff.

Since Roman Days

The territory of Croatia used to be the Roman territory of Dalmatia. I guess that's why it's called the Dalmatian coast these days. Then some folks who called themselves Croats came when the Roman empire collapsed. By the year 1100, the Croatians linked themselves with the Hungarians. They shared kings for quite some time. The Turks overran Hungary and Croatia not long after, so the Croats turned to the Austrians for help. Then WWI came and it all came unglued, before being globbed together as Yugoslavia. The land of the southern Slavs. That's the short version.

Together?

Croatia is not a member of the EU. The reason lies somewhere between Croatia being well-enough-off without the EU and the EU having concerns with Croatia's wartime behavior and negligence in cooperating with the post-war international tribunal. But they'll be there someday.

Uskrsni Popusti

Croatian for "Happy Easter."

Vales and Trails

There's some bizarre, bizarre landscape in Croatia and Bosnia. Alien. Martian. Not from this world. Weird, weird stuff. Go see it.

Waterfalls

And while you're at it, go see the Plitvice Lakes national park. You just stand there going, wow. How did this happen?

X-Rated

We started the trip with a fifth passenger. A gift from me to Janos. Her name was Titty McTitts. I cut her out of the front page of the newspaper. She hung on our rearview mirror, an incentive pulling us all the way to the Croatian coast. I’m not gonna lie, she’s a pretty girl. We smiled every day when we pulled her out of the glove box and wished her a good morning. We even started the trip by taking a picture of her. Because of the mirror, Janos’s smiling face is superimposed over hers. The other day, we got a text message from Liz: "Hi guys. So I brought my camera to my 6th grade class to take a picture of them. I passed it around so they could see. Oliver hit the next button, only to find Ms. Tits. Thanks Jer."

Yugoslavia

Who would have thought…Yugoslavia proves to be an awesome spring break destination! I didn’t learn that kind of stuff back in world geography class!

and Z... Top Secret until the Final Installment!