In 2006, I Will...

Last week, the first of the new year, and today were resolution-creating days for the English and German students under my tutelage. But we all know how little fun it is to create resolutions for yourself, it is much more enjoyable to create them for others.

Enter the brand-new set of celebrity cards I made last week, featuring the most famous folks in the world. Despite my initial expectations, David Copperfield, Tiger Woods and the Pope had to be removed and are no longer in the set. They are simply not "famous enough." Jackie Chan and Jim Carey have been causing problems of late, too.

We always start with the same example, Michael Jackson. The fodder is simply irresistible for even those with limited English-language skills. In 2006, I will find my nose. In 2006, I will not catch the little boys. In 2006, I will stopping being pedophile. Etc.

MJ not withstanding, the best resolution so far?

Headmaster Kerek Laszlo, pictured as Georgian politico Zenn Miller on the card, has vowed in 2006 to build three "lifts" in the school, put a cigarette machine in the canteen, and reduce the number of penalties that bad kids face. He also has promised to "like the water," as opposed to liquor. At least three kids made similar comments, so I'm beginning to wonder.