"I’ll AGG your TELEK!"

In Hungary, when your plans to gallop off to one UNESCO world heritage site fall apart, you can always go the other direction and find a different one! The traditional village of Holloko gave way this weekend to Aggtelek National Park, home to Hungary’s biggest and best cave. The Baradla cave system stretches 25km, all the way into Slovakia. At the border, steel bars block any illegal migration, but tourists are free to visit and explore many of the other chambers and halls.

We used Liz’s place in Tiszaujvaros as our base camp. I’ve been there so many times this year, more than anywhere else except Budapest, but each time I love it. You can ice skate in the summer, you can swim in the winter, you can eat good Italian food any time! It’s some sort of unexplainable utopia, built from scratch in the middle of the Hungarian great plain. This weekend TUV kept us amused with a "Spanish Party" that consisted of venison goulash, sangria by the pitcher, and music that alternated between Rammstein and polka. On a related note, the wonderful and charming Liz is the worst dancer ever.

We set out on the rather lengthy train-train-bus voyage to Aggtelek, unsure of quite a few segments of the plan, but unconcerned. Our group shrank as some people missed necessary trains, a troubling-phenomenon that continues to plague American teachers almost 10 months into our stay. (Although the new folks have only had four months to perfect the ability to get to a train station on time.)

After much debate without a single pro-active measure taken, we landed miraculously at the Aggtelek National Park headquarters. A Tourinform office, a couple of restaurants, a few hotels, and the same tourist-friendly shops selling the 34-incarnations of Big Hungary memorabilia that we’ve been accustomed to since Transylvania. Be warned though, the nearest ATM is 30km away. I bought an awesome green squishy ball for 300 ft that amused me for hours until white gel started seeping out of a weak spot in the construction.

We signed up for the short tour, a one-hour walk through the most famous parts of the cave. We were lumped into a Hungarian-speaking production along with an army of teenage boys and camcorder-totting families.

My favorite sight was the famous Concert Hall, a slab of poured concrete that becomes, when coupled with plastic chairs, a 600-seat auditorium with amazing acoustics. Famous singers and orchestras come to play under stalactites, but for us they arranged something even better. Another Hungarian playing of Chariots of Fire. I was in heaven, a four-year-old boy running laps around a coffee table. Unlike the interpretative ice-dancing episode in Tiszaujvaros, though, this time I (somehow) kept the swelling passions bottled up.

But my favorite room was the Columns’ Hall, where eons of slowly dripping mineral-rich water have frozen stalactites, stalagmites and columns galore into a poetry of colorful stone. Some are so impressive that they’re named. The Minaret stands alone in center stage, seeming to tower almost as high as the real thing in Eger. The Library is off to one corner. The Church-Organ in another. You expect Fraggle Rock characters or some other invention of Jim Henson’s mind to jump out behind every dripstone. As you walk out of the cave, there's a small sign announcing the Slovakian border to your left.

On the subject of caves, I’d like to give a quick thank you to that timeless computer classic "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego" for teaching the generation of Americans who were kids between the years 1988 and 1992 the word "spelunking."

Aggtelek National Park, a beautiful place to visit. But it is possible for you to "successfully complete" Hungary without seeing it. If you’re up for the adventure, we would have benefited from these recommendation:

You’ll only be hungry for more after the standard short-tour. And who wants to visit the most famous cave in Hungary without even getting dirty? Bring a student ID to get a 40% discount and take any of the torch-lit, on-your-hands-and-knees tours. By "torch," of course, they mean "flashlight." (4 hrs – 2400 ft, 5 hrs – 3600 ft, or 7 hrs – 4200 ft) Advance reservation required. Might be worth it to ask for a guide who knows a little English. (36.48.503.000, aggtelek@tourinform.hu)

Transportation:

Take the once-a-day direct bus to/from Aggtelek via either Eger (2.5 hours) or Miskolc (1.5 hours). The longer tours start at Josvafo, which has twice-a-day bus connections with Miskolc (1.5 hours).

Accommodations:

With all the hassle of getting to the boondocks, relax and enjoy your stay! Take a longer tour and spend the night! The national park (36.48.503.005) operates a hostel, with beds for only 1800 ft a night. Right alongside, there are quaint cottages for rent, at a really good price. For 5300 ft per night, you get a charming 4-bed cottage with electricity (shared kitchen and bathroom facilities in a different building). A 6-bed cottage with kitchen and bathroom costs only 15000 ft for the night.